Things I’ve Learned on My Healing Journey

When we find ourselves on a growth journey we can almost always pinpoint the exact moment an epiphany led to inspired action. My epiphany and first step occurred within a few weeks of each other, a decision I was internally ready for, but was ultimately chosen for me. I was working a dead end job when I was unexpectedly laid off. While I was executing a carefully devised exit strategy, God decided to fast track my progress and I was without a full time job and I had to use the little savings I had amassed for survival in the interim. The next 13 years would be a long, frustrating blur. New cities, new people, new career, projects, failures, mistakes, breaking, and rebuilding. All of these things were necessary in order for me to get what I wanted. 

We have no problem asking for the things we want in life, nor should we. But, it is important to note that those things will not be handed to us in a neat package. They will require rebuilding who you are using the lessons you learn over your season of “figuring it out.” 

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Give Yourself time and grace 

There are no shortcuts. There is no fast track. You must let things flow fully and naturally. We often rush our progress, especially when we pass our 20’s. Your timeline is yours. The perceived timeline that society places us on, complete with “age appropriate” accomplishments does nothing but cause unnecessary anxiety. The life you’ve lived up until your season of healing is full of lessons that are imperative to your growth and healing. 

Don’t pause life to heal. All parts of you are worthy of the love and joy that life has to offer 

Even if you choose to go it alone, take some time to travel (as often as your finances allow), take yourself on personal dates regularly. Try new things and visit new places, even if they are in your own city. Survival mode often keeps us stagnant and this stagnation robs us of precious time that we could be spending enjoying the world around us. You never know who you  might meet or what you might learn. Don’t be afraid of a side quest. 

Not everyone has the tools to support you while you heal and grow, and that’s ok 

When you set out to address your wounds and heal from them, you can almost guarantee that many of the people around you will fall off. Everyone is in a different space in life and not all of the people you call ‘friend’ will have the capacity to be there for you while you figure things out. Whether or not you remain friends after your healing journey is entirely up to you. What is important is that you lean on those that understand what you are going through and provide the support you need. 

It is going to hurt 

You will look back on your past and feel shame, anger, sadness, and maybe even some regret. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that arise, don’t run from them. Cry, go to a rage room and break things, journal, talk to a therapist. Whatever helps your process. Know that all of these feelings are normal. Own your past and everything that came with it. You cannot grow unless you look back at the good, the bad, and the ugly of your past and extract the lessons you were supposed to learn. Do not dwell on the mistakes you made when your trauma and survival were in the driver’s seat. Take accountability, heal, and move forward. 

Deciding to grow beyond your present circumstances is the first step to healing. It comes in a moment of frustration or sadness when you look around and realize you do not like the trajectory you are on. When you realize your current path is leading towards a dead end or worse. Realizing you want to change is the first step. Taking action and knowing what to do next is tricky.  

When we ask the Universe for something, it does not come to us wrapped up in a nice bow. Everything around us must shift and we must grow to meet those things. If you ask God for a spouse, action must be taken, hearts must be changed, and paths must cross. You have to do the work necessary to become the partner your person needs and vice versa. You may even need to kiss a few frogs and learn a few lessons first. That is the beauty of the journey. God always hears you. As soon as you ask, the Universe is conspiring to give it to you, however, you must step to the plate. You have to do your part and that comes with unlearning, breaking down, healing, and rebuilding.