Breaking the Cycle: Identifying and Healing Trauma

Silence and reflection are powerful tools. Giving yourself a moment to pause and look back on your experiences and taking in the good & the bad is an important first step in any mental health journey. Being placed in a position where I had to stop and rest gave me the opportunity to reflect on the things that I had experienced in my life to that point. Dealing with the aftermath of a botched operation forced me into a season of deep reflection and wondering. 

Reflecting on where I was, thinking back to all of the things I would change, and things that I still wanted to achieve led me down a rabbit hole. Starting with the book, The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest. a book that called me out on my -ish and respectfully put me in my place. After reading that book I sat down to truly think about what it is that I wanted, and why up to that point, I hadn’t achieved it. That led me down an even deeper rabbit hole. One that led me to childhood and all of the experiences that shaped who I had become. 

Black people rarely, if ever, give ourselves the time and space to reflect on the things we have been through and how they have shaped every generation since our ancestors were brought to this country. But, this was my moment. My moment to understand my why and to break cycles and habits that kept me from moving forward. Now, was as good a time as any. 

What Is Generational Trauma?

We don’t readily recognize when we are in the midst of generational patterns when we are young and things are going wrong and no one can seem to catch a break. When we lose different family members to the same preventable illness or when a sibling rivalry turns into a generational feud. It is  not until we choose growth that we realize we are in the midst of a war we didn’t start. 

Generational curses show up as family norms that no one questions. The habits that are clearly causing harm, but no one has stopped. Things as simple as our everyday diet are the product of trauma that turned into a culture that has fed generations, for better or for worse. We have been passing these habits down without asking why or evaluating whether or not they actually serve us. 

Generational trauma is defined as the transmission of trauma—or its legacy—in the form of psychological consequences of injury, violence, or systemic oppression, passed from one generation to the next. This transfer is not just emotional but biological. To put it plainly: the pain of our ancestors does not just vanish when history moves on. It lingers. It reshapes us, embedding itself in our nervous systems, our coping mechanisms, and our worldview.

For the Black American community, this is not an abstract concept. It is lived reality. From slavery to Jim Crow to present-day systemic inequities, the collective trauma of oppression has imprinted itself across generations. And it is not only history that scars us. Anyone who has grown up in poverty, experienced abuse, or lived in unstable environments knows how deeply those experiences shape not only themselves but also their children. Trauma does not stop with the generation that endured it, it echoes forward.

Recognizing the Signs

The first step to healing is naming what’s there. Trauma is not always obvious, it wears many disguises.

Fight, flight, freeze. Sudden anger. Constant avoidance. Numbness. Insomnia. Depression. These are not random quirks of personality, they can be the residue of unhealed wounds.

Sometimes, trauma shows up in our bodies before it ever registers in our minds. A racing heartbeat when voices are raised. Sweaty palms at the sound of a slammed door. Migraines that arrive after difficult conversations. That’s your nervous system remembering a time when vigilance was survival.

Pay attention to your patterns. Who or what triggers you? Do certain environments set you on edge? Do certain words or tones spark an outsized reaction? Journaling these responses and later sharing them with a mental health professional or someone close to you can uncover connections you might otherwise miss.

When we fail to name and address our trauma, we risk passing down the very coping mechanisms and defense strategies our ancestors relied on, whether that’s avoidance, emotional shut-down, or hypervigilance. Those patterns may have kept earlier generations alive, but survival skills are not the same as healing skills.

Why Millennials and Gen Z Are Breaking the Cycle

For older generations, therapy often carried a stigma. It was something reserved for the “weak” or the “broken.” Survival was the priority, not self-reflection. But Millennials and Gen Z have shifted the conversation. Healing is not indulgence, it’s a necessity.

According to a survey by the Thriving Center of Psychology, 55% of Millennials and Gen Z have attended therapy, with another 39% planning to go. These numbers highlight a new cultural shift: acknowledging trauma is no longer taboo, it’s considered essential to becoming better siblings, parents, friends, and leaders.

But therapy is not always accessible. Cost, location, cultural stigma, or lack of representation among therapists can be real barriers. The good news? There are practical, powerful ways to begin healing, even outside of professional settings.

Pathways to Healing

Do Your Shadow Work

Our “shadow self” is the collection of thoughts, impulses, and traits we often deny or suppress. It is where unprocessed pain lives. Trauma has a way of feeding the shadow, making it harder to face. But ignoring it does not make it disappear, it only makes it stronger.

Shadow work is about radical self-honesty. It requires asking uncomfortable questions: Why do I lash out when I feel ignored? Why do I avoid intimacy? Why do I sabotage good opportunities? Tracing these behaviors back to their roots helps reveal the unhealed pain beneath them.

This process is not easy. It takes courage to admit that sometimes, the pain we’ve endured turned us into someone we do not recognize or like. But acknowledgement  is the first step toward change.

 The Shadow Work Journal  offers guided prompts to help you confront and process hidden emotions.

Build and Lean on Community

Healing is not a solo mission. Trauma thrives in isolation, but it begins to lose power in connection.

If your family relationships are healthy, they can be a vital support system. Honest conversations with siblings, cousins, or elders can bring shared understanding and sometimes even collective healing. But if family is not a safe space, community can be built elsewhere.

Friendships, faith groups, book clubs, or hobby circles can become chosen families. Even small connections like joining a jogging group or volunteering can create meaningful support systems. The point is to resist the instinct to isolate, because walking through trauma alone makes the load heavier than it needs to be.

Find Coping Strategies That Work for You

When trauma gets triggered, having tools on hand can keep you from spiraling. Experiment with different methods to see what grounds you best:

• Grounding: Use your senses to bring yourself back to the present. Try things like: walking barefoot on grass, describing the room around you out loud, or counting backward from 100.
  
• Breathing: Practice slow, intentional breathing. Inhale for four counts, hold for two, exhale for four. Repeat until your nervous system begins to calm.
  
• Self-Compassion: Replace your inner critic with a kinder voice. Ask yourself: Would I speak this harshly to someone I love? If not, why speak that way to yourself?
  
• Connection: Call someone you trust and simply tell them, “I need to talk.” Sometimes, being witnessed in your pain is the most healing act of all.
  

Engage in Relaxation Rituals

Technology keeps us overstimulated, which is the opposite of what a nervous system in recovery needs. Set aside time to disconnect.

• Run a warm bath or take a mindful shower.
  
• Read a book that nourishes or distracts in healthy ways.
  
• Step outside into sunlight or curl up under a weighted blanket.
  

The goal is to send a message to your body: you are safe, you can rest.

Channel Your Emotions Into Action

Unprocessed emotions need somewhere to go. Bottling them up only allows them to fester. Find creative or physical outlets that help release what you’re holding.

• Journaling: Free-write without censoring yourself. Let the messy, raw truth spill out.
  
• Creative expression: Paint, draw, dance, or make music. Art often says what words cannot.
  
• Movement: Exercise is not only for the body but for the mind. Go for a walk or try yoga—anything that helps move stagnant emotion through your system.
  

Healing generational trauma is not just about individual well-being, it’s about rewriting the script for those who come after us. Every time you confront your pain, practice compassion, or break a toxic pattern, you are interrupting a cycle that has lasted for generations.

This work is not quick, nor is it linear. Some days will feel like progress; others will feel like you’re starting over. But each step matters. Each effort to heal ripples outward—to your children, your family, your community.

Generational trauma may be written in our DNA, but healing can be, too.